All We'd Ever Need
by jenson40
Summary: She thought what they had was all they would ever need. She was wrong. He was jerk and regretted his decisions. He wishes he knew back then that what they had was all they would ever need. Sort of song fic to Lady Antebellum's "All We'd Ever Need." Joshaya.


**AN: Ok, so like burst of inspiration. All day I wanted to write something, and I couldn't think of write. So here it is. Gotta say I did not plan to go where I went with this, but as they say the story writes itself. So it's kind of a song fic kind of not. The song is by Lady Antebellum (shocker). And it's called "All We'd Ever Need." So yeah hope you enjoy! I would love to hear your thoughts on it.**

 **Disclaimer: I own neither GMW, nor Lady Antebellum's song.**

 _Boy it's been all this time  
And I can't get you off my mind  
And nobody knows it but me_

 _I stare at your photograph  
Still sleep in the shirt you left  
And nobody knows it but me_

Maya sat in her empty bed. In her empty apartment. With nothing but her empty heart to keep her company. She couldn't get _him_ out her mind. He just stayed there like a nuisance that she loved. Oh Lord, how she loved him. That's why he continued to occupy her thoughts. She didn't know why he stayed in her thoughts after a year. A year. That continued to flow through her mind along with thoughts of him.

It had been a year since she had divorced Josh. She still loved him, she loved him so much. But they just couldn't make it work. She regretted it. Giving him her heart, and then letting him break it. They had fallen onto hard times, and Josh stopped caring as much and worked to get them back up. He didn't talk, he didn't care, he worked. He cared only about getting his money back, about finding a job, about everything but her.

She had tried to make it worked. She had tried to show him she still loved him; that they had all they needed just the two of them. But he refused to believe her, only letting his mind wander to the money he needed to pay off student loans. They became angry with each other more often than not, and they fought constantly. He had slept on the couch for months before they finally fell upon the last straw.

Maya remembered him coming home so drunk he couldn't stand on his two feet. He flopped onto the couch raving about how much more money he owed. Turned out when he had been out drinking he had been gambling too. Maya had yelled and said some things she now regretted, but had to be said. He said things too, such hurtful things, and that's when she snapped. She screamed at him to leave her house immediately. Never to return. He had said he would be happy to, and he made his way out the door not caring that he had left every single one of his belongings.

She hadn't seen him since. They had no reason to really confront each other during it. They didn't have kids, and they never would. There was nothing to fight over, nothing to fight for. There was just nothing. Like the nothingness that was in Maya's heart.

She pushed the sleeves of his old t shirt up on her arms as she left her bed. It still smelled like him, after all this time it still smells like him. And she needed that. She looked at the photo album she kept on her bedside table, and tried to remember the good times. The two years they had been married that were good, not the last year where they were in ruin.

She wept.

She didn't notice that the time had passed, and the sun was starting to peak its rays through her window. She hadn't slept a wink. Who was she kidding, she hadn't slept in a year. She didn't want sleep. She wanted Josh. The old Josh, who held her hand, who loved her, who talked to her, who wasn't a drunk, who wasn't too worried about where the next paycheck would come from. She wanted the Josh who at one point had thought that they were all they would ever need.

For the thousandth time she wiped her tears away. She had to begin getting ready for the day. She had to go to work where she showed no weakness. It was time to put up her façade because right now that was all she needed.

 **-GMW—**

 _My friends think I'm moving on  
But the truth is I'm not that strong  
And nobody knows it but me_

 _And I've kept all the words you said  
In a box underneath my bed  
And nobody knows it but me_

Josh downed another scotch and soda. He was out with the guys, and when he was out he had to keep his façade up. The façade that told all of his friends that he had been moving on. He tried to show them. Every time they went to a bar he took home a girl, just to make them believe he was ok. He never really took the girl home. He didn't even have a home to take one to. His friends all thought he was ok. He wasn't.

He wasn't happy. He wasn't loved. He wasn't a home owner. He wasn't a husband. All the things he wasn't, and they made him miserable. Especially the last one. He wasn't a husband. He probably wasn't one even when he was married. He had been horrible. He had treated Maya horribly, he deserved all the things in the divorce settlement. He deserved all that and worse.

He stumbled into the room he was staying in at Cory and Topanga's. They had been kind enough to let him crash there until he got back on his feet. That had been a year ago. The night Maya had kicked him out, and with good reason. He had been a jerk. Bigger than he had ever been growing up and telling her how he couldn't be with her no matter how much he wanted to. It was like that now. He wanted to be with her so much.

He heard from Riley how she was doing. She had been doing so much better than he ever would. She had moved on, she was happy from the sound of it. She deserved to be happy. He didn't.

He regretted the night he had stepped into their apartment, roaring drunk. He had been gambling again, hoping that the money he earned would help. He never earned money. He only lost it, placing him in more debt. Placing _her_ in more debt. She had come out of her room, it had officially been hers for two months, furious with him. He deserved it. She had screamed about his gambling, his drinking, his debt, his disdain for her.

He had screamed back. So much worse. He couldn't believe what he had even said. He had called out on all of her flaws. He had said things that didn't even make sense now that he thought about it. He had sworn she had money hidden and he needed it. He called her names that if his mother had heard him he would have been six feet under. He had said the worst thing he could ever bring up when he blamed her for her infertility. He still felt the sting of her slap after he said that. He deserved it.

He had stumbled to Cory's still drunk as ever. He had told them it would be until he got an apartment, until he got money. He had lied. He could have all those things. He needed all those things, but he wasn't strong enough to move on.

He reached underneath the borrowed bed and grabbed for the box he kept hidden from his family. In it he kept all the letters she had written to him when he was studying abroad. He kept all the notes they had passed in the classes they had shared in college. He kept the memos his secretary had given him in reference to her. He kept their wedding vows there too. Those were the most painful to look at.

But she was happy without him. He wasn't happy without her. But he had to respect her, Lord knows he hadn't for a while. He had to get through that. He couldn't go back to her, obviously he didn't deserve her. But he wanted her so bad it hurt. His thoughts screamed to be let out. She was all he had ever needed. Now he didn't have that.

 **-GMW—**

Maya downed her whiskey. She had taken a night out with Riley to get her mind off of things. Well, Riley didn't know that; she just thought it was girl's night. Maya ordered another, and turned to her klutzy friend. Riley smiled weakly indicating she had some bad news. "Go, Honey. I'll be fine." She said solemnly pushing her friend out the door. Riley's eldest had been sick and was now asking for her. Maya couldn't tell her no, it was her kid. Even though she wouldn't know what it would be like to be a mother, she still was sympathetic to her loving best friend.

"I'm so sorry, Peaches! I wish I could stay." But Maya didn't care. Riley had a duty, and that duty was motherhood. She shooed the brunette away, and turned back to the bar. Sometimes she envied all that Riley had. Kids, a husband, no debt. Riley was happy. Maya was not.

After her whiskey, she decided a bear would be better, and turned around to look at all the people in the bar. She felt someone's eyes on her and slowly circled around in her chair. Across the bar she saw _him_. Staring right at her. His brown eyes glassed over from his drink, his hair tussled from his friend's joking. Her breathe hitched. He looked as miserable as she felt, and probably looked once she thought about it.

She still loved him. That was the first thing that popped into her head. She didn't care about the last night they had been married. She cared about wanting to take his pain. She wanted him to take hers away to. She wanted to be all he would ever need. She wanted him to be all she would ever need. She also wanted an apology.

He made his way to her, and she prepared herself for what was coming. She hadn't seen him in a year. She hadn't seen him since he was roaring drunk. He was only tipsy tonight, but so was she. He sat in the seat adjacent to hers, and tried to smile. She tried too. She looked down to her drink then back to his pain filled eyes.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. It was barely audible over the noise of the bar. She took a long sip of her beer and nodded. She didn't know what to say. This was exactly what she wanted, but she didn't expect it. The look in his eyes proved he meant it, and she appreciated it.

"I'm sorry, and I deserved all that was given to me. I was a jerk, and I didn't deserve you. I didn't deserve your love. I didn't deserve anything. And I shouldn't have treated you that way. I should have known that what we had, it was all that we'd ever need. I should have made you believe that. And so I'm sorry. For what I said, for what I didn't do, and for still loving you when you have obviously moved on and become happy." He sincerely told her. She nodded again, not expecting any of that. Especially the part about him still loving her. She wanted to jump right into his arms then and there, but knew that she couldn't. She couldn't put herself through that pain.

"Thank you, Josh. I needed to hear that. And I hope you know that you put my feelings into words." She told him slowly, hoping she had chosen the right words. A ghost of a smile passed over his face, and his eyes slightly lit up at her words.

He leaned in to kiss her cheek. She wanted with all of her being for him to miss and accidentally get her lips. He didn't. He grabbed his drink and gave her one last apologetic smile. "I wish I had realized that I had had all I needed when we were married." He admitted, and she froze. She had been thinking about that every day for a year. Then he walked away. Again. She couldn't tell what was louder: the mindless chatter of the people at the bar or her heart shattering into a million pieces.

 **-GMW—**

A year had passed since Josh last saw Maya. The encounter had given him hope. She still loved him even after all they had said and done. It made him man up, and get his life together. He had moved out of Cory and Topanga's, had worked hard and now had one of the highest positions in his company. He was doing well, and was almost happy. Almost.

He still missed her with all of his being, and he still loved her. However, he now had hope. He realized now that he should have been chasing her and pursuing her even after the honeymoon had ended. He had his head back on his shoulders. He was doing so well.

And then she came back into his life.

It wasn't on purpose, she didn't know he worked there. She didn't mean to start dating one of his coworkers, but she did. And it broke him. He had thought maybe someday, if he got his act together, that maybe they could work things out. Be the all they ever needed. He had hoped, and gotten crushed when it didn't come true.

He had stumbled upon her when she was talking to the secretary. She had given him an uneasy smile, and followed where Marsha had pointed. That's when he realized that she was dating Andrew Michaelson, the office's grade A douche bag. Andrew also happened to be what everyone called his doppelgänger. Josh never saw it until he saw Andy come and greet Maya. All he did was see red. He rushed back to his office, and worked as hard as ever to get his thoughts off of Maya and Andy.

For months, he saw the two together. Eating lunch, kissing, joking. It killed him even more. This time she had really moved on, it wasn't an act. Sure he had expected her to move one, but that was before they had confessed their love for each other. Now the thought of her with that douche completely angered him. He really should have been chasing her, and now he regretted not doing so sooner. He remembered the last thing that Maya had said to him before their divorce was final. "I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up that this would work. Hope is for suckers."

 **-GMW—**

Her friends were right. She was an idiot. Riley hadn't been kidding when she noticed the similar looks that Andy and Josh shared, but Maya over looked it. Especially once she found out that Andy worked with Josh, and that it made Josh jealous that she was dating again. But thinking about it now, she was so angry with herself.

She had walked into Andy's office that day to go to lunch, and found him making out heatedly with the intern. She didn't care what he told her after word, she broke up with him in the middle of his office. She didn't dare look in Josh's direction, she knew what she would see. She didn't want to think about him. Was she doomed to be with assholes for the rest of her life?

She refused to go anywhere near that building now. She took the long way anywhere if it meant she didn't have to pass by Andy at work. But who was she kidding? She really didn't want to face being anywhere Josh was. She didn't need him anymore. He obviously didn't need her anymore. His life was back together.

But she couldn't think about how she had accidentally looked at him as she turned a corner in the building. It had been unexpected and just to make sure that Andy wasn't chasing her, but it hadn't been Andy chasing her. It had been Josh. She saw the look in his eyes proving that she was all that mattered. She didn't want to see him. She rushed away and never looked back again. He didn't deserve her all those years ago, and now she didn't deserve him. Their little dance just got more complicated.

It continued to get more complicated. She saw him everywhere. But she wasn't ever sure if she really saw him or if it was a figment of her imagination. She didn't care. She didn't need him and he didn't need her. That's what she kept telling herself. She repeated it like a motto. A stupid motto that kept her from happiness.

But thinking about it, hadn't Josh kept her from happiness? He had been horrible in the final year of their marriage. He had neglected her. But at the same time, she had neglected him. She didn't try to help him, she didn't do anything to save their marriage either. For years she had been blaming him fully for their divorce, but in all seriousness, she hadn't done much to try and save it. She let it happen.

Why?

She knew why. She had thought herself too much like her parents. She waited for the day that Josh would say they were too young and couldn't deal with this much responsibility. And when that day didn't come, she made it happen. She didn't try to salvage anything. He should have been chasing her, but she should have been chasing him too.

She was brought from her thoughts as the subway stopped, and people flowed through the doors. She knew this wasn't her stop, and she waited ever so impatiently for the train to continue to move. In her painful thoughts and anger, she didn't notice the amount of people who had entered the train. She finally left her thoughts behind, and noticed an elderly woman needed her seat, so she gladly gave it up.

As she tried to stand, the subway lurched, and sent her flying before she could grab anything. She landed in someone's lap like how Riley had Lucas. She regained her bearings and turned to apologize to the person who had saved her from the sticky subway floor. Her breath hitched when she looked into the all too familiar brown eyes.

"Josh." She breathed. He looked down at her, a smirk skillfully placed on his handsome face. He placed her in the seat next to his while she thought of what to say. How did this keep happening? She kept running into her ex-husband who she still loved and wanted to make amends with, yet she always clammed up and ran away when she had her chance.

The subway stopped, and said ex-husband began to rise at his stop. She pulled at his jacket. Her favorite leather jacket that made him look so irresistible. He looked down at her, and pleaded with her because this was his stop and he had to get off before the doors closed. She conceded and stood up with him, gaining a look of surprise, and followed.

He took her to a local bookstore that they had frequented during their dating years. She followed him to the comfy chair they used to cuddle in during finals week or when Maya had a tough meeting with her father. Josh made her sit down, and she waited patiently for him to return. He held a copy of _Les Miserables,_ and flipped through the pages until he got to where he wanted. "'So much the worse, it makes no difference. You look sad, I want you to be glad. But promise me that you will laugh, I want to see you laugh and hear you say: Ah, well! That is good…'" He finished Eponine's words a bit prematurely, but they were said nonetheless.

Then he pulled her to the music section, and placed her in front of a set of headsets. He put them on for her, and played the song. He could see the tears in her eyes, and he remembered crying for at least a day after hearing it. She broke down as the final chord ended, knowing that this was exactly how it had gone for them. She sobbed into his shoulder, and he cried into her hair.

"I'm so sorry, what I put you through." He told her his voice thick with tears. She nodded, and looked up into his sincere eyes. She accepted his apology, and followed him back to their chair. "I've been through Hell and back without you." He said. She nodded, having known the feeling.

"I didn't fight for you. While you were pushing me away, I didn't try to do anything about it. I let it happen. We could've been so much more. We could've been all we ever needed, but I didn't fight." She cried. He nodded. He hadn't thought about it that way. He didn't realize she felt that way. She had been placing all the blame on him too. She blamed herself.

"I want you back." They said simultaneously. She giggled through her tears, and he chuckled through his. Even though they had spent years apart, they still were as in sync as ever.

"But, we can't do that now. We can't rush into anything again. I'm never rushing you ever again." He admitted sadly. They wanted to be each other's, but he knew that they couldn't deal with that kind of heart break again.

"Someday." She said, going back to their trip to the ski lodge. He nodded, and tried to watch as she kept her tears at bay. He tried too, and they were both failing.

"Someday." He agreed. And they walked out. He kissed her forehead, and walked her down to the subway. He knew she had to get back to her life. And she knew he had to get back to his. They stood on the platform, their hearts soaring with the promise of someday. He had chased her, he had proved, he said all that was kept inside of him, he made her believe.

She kissed him good bye, thinking the exact same thing. He had made her believe. And she had made him believe. But they had someday. She realized now that they had all that they'd ever need. That promise was all they'd ever need.

 _I should've been chasing you  
I should've been trying to prove  
That you were all that mattered to me  
I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me  
And maybe I could've made you believe  
That what we had was all we'd ever need_


End file.
